HATE.

Today, I woke up early because four of us were told to take part in the Olimpiad Maths Competition.

Seriously, we don't know anything about it. The teacher just gave us a set of past-year questions and didn't even go through the questions with us.

So, we ended up there nothing. I don't know about the others, but for myself, I just know to do one question out of nine. It was really difficult for me. They told me to just ''bang'' anything out, but I don't even understand the questions, don't even know what were they about, how to ''bang''?

My friends did ''bang'' except for me. I left it blank for section b. I just left them blank.

I never left blanks before in past exams, but since form four, I started doing that.

Whenever I can't do, I just lost. I will get very disappointed and start to dream.

Like today, I spent almost all the time dreaming inside the hall, was sleepy and tired, wasted my tiem -.-

We expected more people taking part, but when we reached there, whole school was empty. No one, no cars. Then, on the notice board, written there only 3 schools taking part, SMK Jerantut, SMK Datuk Bahaman and our school. The two other schools sent three four teams. At the end, I realised that many of them were like me dreaming in the hall. Haha. Who will know how to do? The questions were so diffcult, and we are all form four's...

After the two and a half hours torturing, we went back to school.

Well, our teacher drove so ... dangerously? haha. She likes to talk to herself too. Pity our Mr. Tau Ting Yong, also known as Ting Ting, didn't know how to asnwer her, and her driving made him headache and wanted to vomit. Haha.

After that, we decided to go to old town for lunch actually. So, from back gate, we went to bubbles first, then to the store to buy the kaya puff, or kaya balls? what is it called ar? Then, to kfc to buy my lovely potato wedges. But, the air cond there was so nice, so we ended up in kfc. We ordered and I shared with jiayiee. The spicy chicken, the new one was so spicy, we both ate until almost cried -.- That tingting laughing at us, later he kena too. haha.

Then, went back home liao loh. Guess what I did?

Yea,

SLEEPING.

So tired! So I was so glad when Jiayiee told me her dad was not in at 5 something, so we can't go to the park to take photos as we planned. I was half- asleep actually when I reply her messages, and jielian's one too. If next time, my message is short and weird, you will know what am I doing k... haha. Continue sleeping until 7pm. Started from 4pm. WOW.

Went downstairs, saw kookienkiet and tanboonheong playing against fuhaifeng and caiyun. This time the match was not funny already. Haha, no tricks done by them. Saw malaysia won first sett but lose second set. ): No mood to watch after that, because he was as usual complaining. I felt very unhappy, why did he become like this? He is having headache, only he alone not well? He is not well all the time. Okay, why are you complaining since you are not willing to help too? Everytime, you made all of us feel unhappy. Everytime, you just command us to do this and that. And, what are you doing all the time? Just lie there and watch tv. Now, I can see the difference before and after. I am talking the truth. After so many incidents, I really can see how great our God is. God can really change a person completely. I regret, I really regretted.

Last time, when you first accepted Lord, you changed. I know you changed. You went to church, you accepted people and you shared with others. I regretted, I should hold on you that time. God was working that time, but I didn't realise. I just let go the chance. I should have supported you fully in God's faith.

Now, you rejected. I don't know why you chose to turn away from God. I am not a 3 year-old child anymore. Even when I was 3, I know what's happening in my family. Since then, you tried to live on your own. You tried to control everyone. Thinking God is nothing. Don't allow us to go to church, don't allow this and that. Hey, do you remember? God helps you to find the job you know? You should thank Him, instead what you have done? I feel very unhappy everyday, sometimes I don't even feel to talk to you.

Please, I really pray and hope that you will come back to Lord, and to be saved. Satan is controlling you. I remember when you accepted Jesus, you don't have so much health problems. As you said, God is with you. So, He saved you. Be thankful. I feel very miserable sometimes, especailly when quarrels are all around, homework, competitions, results.... all come together. I really can't handle, so please.. Stop it la. I will do what I have to do. Please don't command me to do this and that. I got enough things to be worried of.

I still remember that incident, which happened long ago. I was so wrong that time, but sometimes when I think back, what I did is actually correct too, to express my feelings. I was so disobedient that time, even now if you read this post, you will think why am I talking in such a way. But, it's just the truth. I'm not happy.

Please pray together with me too, hope that God will touch his heart again. Please change him. And, whenever I have a problem with him, please help me to control myself, help me to respect him and be patient. Overall, I should respect him actually.

Please don't hurt me anymore. All of you. I am not as tough as you think. Don't tell me you love me this moment and later say you scared to hurt me, so you leave me. Please DON'T. I know actually what are you thinking, I know all about it. It's just the problem of accepting or not accepting it. So, I chose to accept in such a way. I may not be able to let go, but now I just hope to forget it. Now onwards, don't tell me you love me if you don't. It hurts in the end. I shouldn't, I really shouldn't involved in it. I have done so many sins because of this problem.

For friends, please don't be with me at this moment, and when problems appear, you leave me. Or pretending to be good with me. Please DON'T. It hurts me. Maybe to you, it's nothing. But to the one you have hurt, it's a BIG BIG thing.

It's a sensitive post today.

I never write like this before I guess.

Maybe all these problems will make a little girl be tougher.

Remember, don't say you love others if you don't mean so and don't be friends with others just for fun and avoid pretending in front of others.

I'm glad that I have a group of sincere friends. Do I? Yea, maybe.

I really need to pray that I can control my feelings, sometimes I know you all will feel bad with my attitude. I will change, I promise.

Sincerely from me,

10.31pm