MONDAY, TUESDAY

MONDAY

I shall post for Monday first. I wrote half but suddenly no electricity, so was forced to stop.
Oh my goodness, I had a bad dream on Sunday night. I shall not say what was it about in the dream because I felt that it's quite scary. I used to have all these weird and scary dreams which make me scared and worried all the time after the dream.
After the dream, I woke up in the morning, shocked and scared. When I was putting on my hair band, suddenly it broke into few pieces. Thank God that my hand was blocking or else the sharp end would just poke my eye. Second unsual thing.
The third one, when I was wearing my contact lens, all of a sudden my lens which should be on my finger disappeared like that. What is happening to me? My mum said it should be a special day for me. -.- Scared and worrying. Later at night, when I wanted to write my blog, suddenly blackout. I almost cried. My whole family slept already and I just didn't know what to do. I almost wanted to call Daven and at least talk to him on the phone until I entered my mum's room. Currently, I'm sleeping in my mum's room.

Anyway, I know God is with me. I shouldn't be scared! :D

TUESDAY

Tuesday, which is today. Okay, school was fine. But, homework is increasing from time to time. HAiz~ Really can't focus at all to do my homework.
Had choir practice as usual. Added so many new things, changed and changed making things worse I think? Haiz~ Tired and frustrated. Lack of practice I think? All the new changes I really couldn't follow when I was in school. I can't remember la! haiz..... Maybe I'm a bit slow, I just can't control my legs and hands movement plus singing and mouth part in the same time.

I CAN'T
I CAN'T
I CAN'T..

PROBLEMS! I HAVE A BIG BIG GOD! NOTHING TO WORRY! that's it. I will practice harder!
Another thing is jealousy. -.-
I feel that I did bad things today. I SINNED today, not today but everyday. But, I feel very bad today.
I admit that I'm very angry and jealous, sad and even disappointed because all of us trained so hard but the teacher only praised her. Is it that she is prettier or more popular? All of us were working so hard and I can really tell you that I gave you my best already all in my facial expressions or singing or whatever. It's not that I want you to praise me, but you shouldn't just keep on saying how good was she right? Again and again. Then what do you expect to get from us? Is she that perfect~ How also I think we need some good comments at least to motivate and encourage us. You just keep on saying you still think that she is good and bla bla bla~

I'm getting sensitive again right? This is my feelings la, I can't control. Honestly, I know it's wrong.

All kinds of bad thoughts come to my mind. I shouldn't think like that and I didn't control myself. When my friends were discussing, I joined them too. Now, I feel bad. I know that it's wrong to talk about others or judge people. God will judge and not ME! I know. The worse part is I tend to get angry and mix other things and just keep on blamming everything on her. Planning this and that during the trip to Kuantan. The ugly Jolene is coming out again. I don't want to be like that! Later, it spread from her to another person. Talking bad things about her and her and her. Please la Jolene, you are not a small girl anymore. Why are you still acting childishly? Think before you talk! When others talk about me, I feel sad. So, when you are talking about others, how do others feel? They feel the same right... So Jolene, please stop it.

And also those comments for the teachers, please! Jolene, you are not suppose to judge others! God will judge but not you! You should respect the elders no matter who are them!

Today is more on comments for myself.
I should remind myself all the time, DON'T EVER REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE ANYMORE!
If anyone has any comment for me, feel free to leave one for me.

Jo, 2354.