Gastric~

Pain pain pain....
Suffering on and off............
Is it because of the stone or gastric?
When I panic, scared or worrying for things, the pain attack me..... ):

...

Currently won't online. Because of some problems.
Will still update my blog. (:

TUESDAY

I have changed. Really changed a lot until I don't know what am I doing now. Am I crazy?
Didn't post for this few days because I don't know what to write. There are some secrets which I think I should only keep to myself.
Today morning, was not feeling well. Didn't want to go to school, but mum didn't let. In the car, kena more. I'm sick and it's my fault -.- okay then.
Went to school as she wanted. Cried in class. -.- Just don't understand why am I crying and crying!
But her words hurt me ): As if I like to sick so much huh?
This few days I can say I'm completely lost. My mind keep thinking those things which is not the usual me.
I have lost my aim, lost myself. I don't know how to pray and talk to God. I'm running away from God AGAIN. What am I doing?
Actually when I think back, maybe this is all God's will. But, is me who don't want to accept the facts. I still think got hope. ):
And, midyear is coming. I wonder how am I going to do?
Maybe is just as what she said, I don't know how to take care of myself, always sick. I don't know this and don't know that.
Ya, it's true! Now, I can't cope with my studies. Not only physics, addmaths or what, I think I have problem with all..... But, who can I seek for help? ):
Mid year is coming. What can I do some more?
I feel like quitting everything. I'm tired ):

Kuantan trip^

Although it was a sad trip, we snapped some photos before and after the competition. I didn't upload them before this as I was
too busyyyyy ): NOw, let's see (:

wonderful sky and the sea
yuan yuan~
crazy again~
completed

what is he doing? roticanai?
lamfung?

xuewah

jolene, xuewah
that's me. LOL

crazy boysssss

jiayiee and jolene huh, lunch time~
jiayiee

Jiayiee, xuewah
jolene, xuewah

Yesterday, today.

Yesterday didn't post because I waited for so long time, yet still stuch there when I upload my photos. I got fed up and went to sleep. Now is 8.30 huh, I wake up so early. I can't sleep well, when I wake up already, I just can't sleep back ): LAter got tuition some more. Two tuition today.

YESTERDAY

School was great, because we didn't have lessons yesterday. We were having our prize giving ceremony for those who achived good results in pmr, spm and stpm. Then, we performed our choir and choral speaking. Choir was great, the best time I think? While choral speaking, was not so good. Too fast and I made mistakes and mistakes ar ): Now, they are addicted already. Keep wanting to perform. I mean choral speaking. They even request to perform during Teacher's day. Wow~~

The second prize is worth it. :D for the hardwork we done. 

The first day I went out early from school huh, not ponteng. Actually can go back already I think? Jiayiee, xuewah and I ended up in duo xiang. Thanks pika for fetching us. ( haha) 

LAter it was tuition time~ physics and accounts.

Jie lian asked me whether want to go Ally or not, to celebrate xiuan li's birthday. I didn't go at last, was too tired and didn't want to face too many people. 

Reached home and didn't do my homework again.

I'm affected by you!!!! My feelings my mind ! YOU treat me like this! I really want to know the reason. Just the reason also cannot? What stupid promises you made before this are all liessss? 

* 心碎了

I really don't know who can I find, I just keep everything to myself. There is no hope anymore now, we are not even friends k? Forget about it, you treat me like this and you want to be good friends? Stop dreaming. I know I can't forget you, it's difficult because I'm not like you, you can just everything like this. 

People telling me it's not worth it, just forget forget and forget. Please, if it's so easy, I won't be so sick about it now. ANd, if it's you, you will be terribly hurt, especially girls. 

To girls, never trust a guy easily. You will get hurt soon because most of them cannot be trusted.

Life has to continue anyway.

From today onwards, there is nothing between you and me as you requested. Okay fine, I still cry for you, such a foolish me. But, that's your decision, and I got nothing to say anymore. Forget about it, I will never want to remember a single thing of yours. 

YOU SERIOUSLY HURT ME! 

Jo, 0843

Thursday

Tired tired~

Rushing for homework everyday.

Tuition + homework = craaazyyyyy

Our bio presentation is ready I think? :D

Haiz, still sad and down sometimes. Can't control myself. 

Learnt something today. We should always treat others with love and care, in the same time we shouldn't expect anything back from them. We should just do our part. 

I can feel that my post everyday is like opposite de ar. Everyday I have different feelings and learnt different things. I don't want to run away from God anymore. Because God is the only One who gives the best encouragement and I know He will guide me all along. 

Short post today.

Anyway, yesterday my post is not specially based on anyone. I'm not pointing at anyone. My friend asked me whether I will scared or not to write out. It's my feelings right I have the right to do so? I just want to clarify about that (:

Sometimes it's my attitude problem I know....

Help me to change, if you feel there is anything wrong with me, please leave me some comments. 

无奈

真的很无奈！

我真的就快疯了！

现在发生什么事情？发什么神经？全部人都这样我？

我得罪你们啊！

我自问没有每天都在埋怨了，我尝试接受所有的事！可是怎样呢？谁会体谅？

我得功课多到根本就做不完那种了，考试也要到了，我真的不懂怎样好！压力真的很大！

偏偏这个时候你这样对我，我选择不对任何人说发生了什么事，只会丢自己的脸，我也不想去想了！我可以怎样？每天脸上就摆着那笑容撑着，目的就是不要人家可怜同情我还是什么的，我自己都累了！看到自己的样都觉得很假！

真的很无奈，觉得我做什么你都还是不明白我在想什么，一切都是我的错。不懂发什么神经，我就是一直和你道歉，弄到我自己都觉得自己很烦了！我说过不要让这种事影响我的！你懂我很烦吗？你就是不会体谅不会和我分享！

现在的我，真的很想就这样躲起来，什么都不管了！我真的很累了!

真的很孤独！当你们有事的时候，我真的很真心的会帮你们，当我需要你们的时候，你们在哪里？我不在说出我的事情，一方面不要你们的同情，一方面就是我根本没那个机会和你们聊！就算我和你们说，我懂是我自己的事，你们根本就没兴趣！

一次又一次的，发生了什么事，我都是找不到朋友来谈心事的！

我真的那么失败吗？是我的人格问题吗？

从以前就这样，现在你这样对我，你们也这样对我！

我真的撑不住了。一直以来我就是参与不到你们的，不管是那一边的都好！真的觉得自己很失败！你们和我一起，都是摆着那副很假的样子吧了！

今天，我根本不应该去插手你们的事！关我什么事啊！我干吗要去管弄到自己这样！我没兴趣懂你们在生气谁了，说不是我，可是你们的反应告诉是我吧！

真的很失望，真的连一个知心的朋友都没有，真的很失败！

真的很伤心的！可是就是这样注定了吧！是我的性格问题吧，曾经有人说过我每天发脾气，我尽量改了，可是你们还是这样对我。那种假的朋友我不稀罕！真的！

就让我自己一个吧！我会好过一点！

至于你，我不懂还可以有什么期望了，你喜欢怎样就怎样吧！

半年考~ 准备看我的"好"成绩吧！

HOMEWORK

HOMEWORK

Hardly got time to talk much here, see ya tomorrow. 

Crazying for my homework! Want ''siao/ sot'' liao! ): ): ):

收拾心情

comments I got were, mature and not like me? OLD?

Today, slept until 10++.

Was so tired after the stress and sad trip to Kuantan. 

Went to Mentakab, everything was like not right. This shop not open that shop not open. Ended up in an unknown shop which we never been there before.

After that, went to the store as my mum wanted to buy something from the shiseido counter. They provided a make up and taking photo session. So, the person asked me whether I'm interested or not. I was actually not in the mood and not feeling well. However, my mum asked to try. So, okay lo. Booked the time for 6pm.

Went back home and sleep after that. Tiredddd~ 

Slept like dead and woke up at 4/5? Then, decided not to take the photos because of my sick look -.- Smsed my mum but she called the person and she said tomorrow is the last day. SO, have to go loh if not the rm30 will be wasted. The time postponed to 7.30pm.

Took dinner in Mentakab which was not a nice meal! The food were a bit weird I think -.-

Then, went to the store loh. A girl started to help me to make up. Wow, she was so pro sia~ I was like.... And, started getting tired and bored! Scared also maybe someone I know might pass by? Unfortunately, saw shaoyi's mum and also jinyong. They were like... Is that jolene? LOL. Jinyong didn't even recognise me sia...... Oh my goodness I thought, whole school will know tomorrow -.-

After the girl was ready, we went to take photos. The guy was pro also I think? But he kept making me to make those weird pose. lol. Which is not the real Jolene huh! Only one word can describe! WEIRD. haha. The first thing after I came out from the room, I told my mum, 不好玩的！haha. She say I went in just to play ar~~ 

Later, we went to choose the photo. Actually the rm30 will only get one, then he let us choose. All look funny and weird, not jolene huh. My brother keep laughing and laughing while my mum too. What's so funny? haha. My mum chose one. The person ask us whether we want to choose the package or not, to have more photos. My mum said it will be my birthday present huh which cost all together rm 190. My birthday -.- Okay then. Choosing photos again. Chose one of my brother's favourite, which he thinks that I 撞墙还可以笑。The crazy boy kept teasing me. GOOD BOY HUH. 

Went back home after that. Dad saw me and he was looking me with a weird look. -.- Keep asking where did I go. LOL. haha

收拾心情要读书了！好多功课还没做，谁可以帮我？快傻了！

Seriously need encouragement to complete my homework!!!! ):

That's THE END.

Okay, firstly, I came back from Kuantan already. Just took my bath and now blogging~

Super duper sad that we didn't win anything in Kuantan for our choir competition.

I broke down after the results was announced. I just couldn't take it. I don't care what people say, whether I'm acting or too much or whatever. It's my feelings. And, I'm seriously sad and disappointed. Nobody will understand my feelings. Why do I say so? Everytime I used to win win win, everybody started praising, wah you are so good take part in everything, then what also win win win. Ya, now this time I didn't win. It's a very terrible feeling you know.....

这次真的给了我一个很大的教训。简单而坦白地说，我就是输不起。过于自信和自大。我们练了那么久就是为了今天。一心想着要破去年的纪录，赢得至少第二名，但原来我们太高估自己了。当彩排时发现只有五对参加今年的比赛时，心里是多么的安慰，多么的开心，信心也增加了许多。别人在台上练习时，看到他们的演出，信心更是大增，还很肯定地说了第二名是属于我们的，我们还有机会争第一呢！但却万万没想到，今天正式的比赛，成绩竟然是如此的惊人。而他们也做出了令我们惊讶的表演。其实一早已经知道事情不会那么的简单，但就是不肯接受，被那过于的自信冲昏了头。昨天开会，当老师说评判对我们的表现相当满意时，雪华说觉得老师只是在哄我们吧了，我还是没接受，还很肯定地说我们一定会赢。我就是太天真了吧，一心想着赢却没想到如果输了，自己会怎样去面对~

在台上，开始时我都还能适应，不知道为什么，唱了第一段，我竟然忘词了！发生了什么事？我从来不会这样！还好我还是继续的跟下去，没有做出特别明显的动作。之后感觉到我们在最后一首唱得太快了，但也尽全力了。老师说我们快了点，而我们的组也好像有点走音。整体来说我觉得还不错。可是。。。。过后当关丹上台，他们真的做到很不错。我还是很自信的说我们会赢的。（自信 + 不肯面对事实）

不伤心真的是假的！当成绩宣布时，第三不是我们。。。 雪华和佳怡都说没有了。祖文却说我们还有机会， 而我呢嘴巴说着完了，心里却还是很有信心。第二名也不是我们~当他们一个个上台拿奖时，而有些人也在恭喜关丹了，我很冷静的坐着心里依然抱着一线希望。然而肯定的，第一名落在关丹。。而我们却空手而归。那时的我，实在撑不下去了，眼泪开始掉下来。无论是我妈还是daven的安慰，始终不能使我冷静下来。后来，我也拒绝上台合照。我最大的问题就是，我无法接受输了的心情。和我妈说的第一句话，赢惯了现在我输不起。这时突然想起我在public speaking拿到的jury award，心里想着这个应该是我们的吧。哪里知道，还是与我们擦身而过。嗨~真的控制不到了。。

每个人都说，没关系我们尽力了。但我相信大家都很难过吧。过后我知道我们差第三名一分吧了，很多人都说很可惜，也说评判是帮那间学校的。对我而言，说什么也没用了，输了就是输了，哪怕只是那一分。就算在我们这边举行，收买评判的事情依然可以发生。这怪不到任何人。心真的淡了，也了解到为什么华联今年不要参加的心情。明明有机会赢的，却因为这样而错过了？那参加来做什么？有意义吗？

过后，我们也收拾心情去了海边。天气是超晒的！我也不要扫兴和朋友们拍了照片玩了一会儿。然后，大家就回家啦。在巴士上我可是超累的，二话不说，马上就睡着了。当我醒来时，看到他们玩在一起那么的开心，自己很想一起参与但也许没机会吧。顿时觉得孤独起来了，没事做只好一直睡咯。老实说，真的很累！六点多终于到了，很开心啊！可以回家睡觉了！老师也安慰我说，要我看开一点，比赛不是赢就是输，我们尽力了就好。其实我也明白啦，现在的情绪也受到控制了。这一次，我真的应该好好的反省。凡事都要做好心理准备来面对一切！赢了当然好，但输了也至少要先尽了力。还有一个比赛(pidato)在五月还等着我呢！现在要做的就是收拾心情来面对我好像山那么高的功课吧！

Jo, 

2110

THURSDAY

Didn't have much things to talk on Wednesday~

Let's talk about today. 

Hmmmm... Nothing special la. 

Tomorrow, we are going to Kuantan! Excited ar! I'm excited but not worried at all for the competition. Weird huh~ 

I know we just have to do our best :D TEAM WORK.

Yes, team work :D

Today again huh, the teacher praised her again. ''HER facial expression is PERFECT, she is telling people about the song.'' bla bla bla~ AGAIN. 

HAiz, spoiled my mood ar. But I tried to think, what for I get angry? She may be perfect, but I will still do my best for the team. If I get angry, what if the person is me, others will have the same feelings also right.....

Jiayiee and xuewah keep telling me, just abaikan~ haha. 

Actually, they are the ones who care too.

Anyway, nothing la. We are all friends. Teacher may praise anyone, for others we just need to give our best.

Being pessimistic will just spoile the whole thing, right? And, it's pointless. We will just do our part :D

WE ARE A TEAM. WE ARE FRIENDS. REMEMBER THAT!

Besides that, our malacca plan is ready I think? hehe. So excited and can't wait to go!!! But, still have a long time to go ar~ 

Mid year exam come first. HAiyo, talk about mid year then I remembered about my homework. 

Broke record liao! 13 homework huh!!!! I will suffer when I come back from Kuantan and go back to school as usual~ Haiyooooo. craaazyyyy-ing. Streessss-ing huh! 

We will do our best for the competition! Wanna make our school proud!!!! haha.

KUANTAN, HERE WE COME~~~

* packing things *

Jo, 2050

MONDAY, TUESDAY

MONDAY

I shall post for Monday first. I wrote half but suddenly no electricity, so was forced to stop.
Oh my goodness, I had a bad dream on Sunday night. I shall not say what was it about in the dream because I felt that it's quite scary. I used to have all these weird and scary dreams which make me scared and worried all the time after the dream.
After the dream, I woke up in the morning, shocked and scared. When I was putting on my hair band, suddenly it broke into few pieces. Thank God that my hand was blocking or else the sharp end would just poke my eye. Second unsual thing.
The third one, when I was wearing my contact lens, all of a sudden my lens which should be on my finger disappeared like that. What is happening to me? My mum said it should be a special day for me. -.- Scared and worrying. Later at night, when I wanted to write my blog, suddenly blackout. I almost cried. My whole family slept already and I just didn't know what to do. I almost wanted to call Daven and at least talk to him on the phone until I entered my mum's room. Currently, I'm sleeping in my mum's room.

Anyway, I know God is with me. I shouldn't be scared! :D

TUESDAY

Tuesday, which is today. Okay, school was fine. But, homework is increasing from time to time. HAiz~ Really can't focus at all to do my homework.
Had choir practice as usual. Added so many new things, changed and changed making things worse I think? Haiz~ Tired and frustrated. Lack of practice I think? All the new changes I really couldn't follow when I was in school. I can't remember la! haiz..... Maybe I'm a bit slow, I just can't control my legs and hands movement plus singing and mouth part in the same time.

I CAN'T
I CAN'T
I CAN'T..

PROBLEMS! I HAVE A BIG BIG GOD! NOTHING TO WORRY! that's it. I will practice harder!
Another thing is jealousy. -.-
I feel that I did bad things today. I SINNED today, not today but everyday. But, I feel very bad today.
I admit that I'm very angry and jealous, sad and even disappointed because all of us trained so hard but the teacher only praised her. Is it that she is prettier or more popular? All of us were working so hard and I can really tell you that I gave you my best already all in my facial expressions or singing or whatever. It's not that I want you to praise me, but you shouldn't just keep on saying how good was she right? Again and again. Then what do you expect to get from us? Is she that perfect~ How also I think we need some good comments at least to motivate and encourage us. You just keep on saying you still think that she is good and bla bla bla~

I'm getting sensitive again right? This is my feelings la, I can't control. Honestly, I know it's wrong.

All kinds of bad thoughts come to my mind. I shouldn't think like that and I didn't control myself. When my friends were discussing, I joined them too. Now, I feel bad. I know that it's wrong to talk about others or judge people. God will judge and not ME! I know. The worse part is I tend to get angry and mix other things and just keep on blamming everything on her. Planning this and that during the trip to Kuantan. The ugly Jolene is coming out again. I don't want to be like that! Later, it spread from her to another person. Talking bad things about her and her and her. Please la Jolene, you are not a small girl anymore. Why are you still acting childishly? Think before you talk! When others talk about me, I feel sad. So, when you are talking about others, how do others feel? They feel the same right... So Jolene, please stop it.

And also those comments for the teachers, please! Jolene, you are not suppose to judge others! God will judge but not you! You should respect the elders no matter who are them!

Today is more on comments for myself.
I should remind myself all the time, DON'T EVER REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE ANYMORE!
If anyone has any comment for me, feel free to leave one for me.

Jo, 2354.

SUNDAY

Charles spoke today during worship, enjoyed it as the way he talked wouldn't make me sleepy! LOL.
Had breakfast with mummy and went to the market.
Headed to Dewan Tun Razak to fetch my brother. Waited for so long huh! He got so excited don't know for what -.- Keep asking my mum to buy a pendrive for him, but at last I'm the one who got one. HAHA. This is because my mum took mine.

Went back and slept later. Didn't manage to do my homework in the afternoon! And now, I'm rushing ~ So, today will just be a short post huh. Let me continue what I want to share today, Jie Lian accepted Christ today. Wow~ This is so wonderful, don't you think so? Within two days, three of my friends accepted Christ. Praise the Lord! Prayed for them in church. And, today while Uncle Sai Kee was conducting the youth meeting, he was actually explaining about Jesus rose from dead. While he was explaining, one of the verse touched my heart. I got a serious feeling of it, and I was thinking about it until now.

John 20: 23 If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven. If you don't forgive them, they are not forgiven.

God has died for us, for our sins. No matter what we did, how many wrong things we did, in the past, now or in future, Jesus has forgiven us. So, do we have the right that we don't forgive others who sinned against us? I was asking myself this question. God has died for us and He took away all our sins, forgiven all our sins, and why are we not forgiving those who sinned against us?

Another 3 wonderful verses from the bible,
John 1: 12 But to all who did accept him and believe in him he gave the right to become children of God.
John 3: 16 God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes in him may not be lost, but have eternal life.
John 5: 24 I tell you the truth, whoever hears what I say and believes in the One who sent me has entered eternal life. That person will not be judged guilty but has already left death and entered life.

Jo. 2159

HOMEWORK

Today, skipped school. Haha, because our school having the kursus kepimpinan, no point wasting time la~
So, woke up and did my homework. A lot to do, haven't complete a single one. Rushing madly.
After that, went to mentakab with jiayiee and xuewah at 4pm. Went for shopping~ haha-.- Bought some cosmetics and ate mcd later. Haha, enjoy going out with them. Laugh like mad. But, spent a lot huh, jiayiee also. The good girl today is xuewah, bought just a packet of m&m.

Then, went to ''duo xiang'' to meet kah yew and went to church together. Charles spoke today, quite interesting and I can feel that the holy spirit is touching my heart.
However, not many people went actually today.
Praise the Lord that jiayiee and kahyew actually accepted the Lord. I know maybe now they feel pressured as this is just a starting, and they may not be able to understand clearly or they have many questions just like me. But, I know God soonly will touch their hearts and help them to know more. I'm so happy and quite high actually just now when I know they accepted Christ. :D
I will surely pray for you all everyday (:
Today is a memorable day for both of us. Special day!

After the service, went to yamcha with michael, daven, kahyew, jiayiee and jielian at old town in jalan bahagia. Wah, I ate roti telur and rojak ayam. The rojak ayam not very nice huh.... Chat quite many things while daven just concentrated on his mu. Haha. ( i'm not angry, no need do folio). Reached home at about 11pm now want to continue on my homework liao lo. Tomorrow must wake up early to go to church. Ya, we should go. I shouldn't take can't wake up as an excuse anymore! Hope both of them will go tomorrow morning :D

Jo

helpless

Saw a friend's blog today, and I got exactly the same feeling with her I think.
I'm do feel lonely sometimes, although I try hard to mix around. Sometimes, when you face problems, there is no one you can find to share. That's the truth.

Today I got so emotional because I suddenly felt so helpless. I don't know what's the reason. Friends asking what happened to me, why am I pretending to be happy but actually I'm not. They felt and saw it. Did I? I don't know. I just know that no matter how unhappy how sad am I, I don't wish to make people around me to worry or to be unhappy with me. I'm not pretending, but I'm actually trying hard to be happy and to forget some things. Some close friends knew what had happened and they understand. I'm really sorry if sometimes I hurt your feelings by saying some words to you all. I don't mean that actually. Now, I'm just sensitive and sensitive.

A friend suggested me to give a month break for myself, but how can I do that? I already used to it. It's the end and I should accept the fact? Or, I should give another chance to test? I can't do that. Getting crazy soon you know! I said before I won't be influenced by all these things and what is happening now? I'm out of control is it? Crazy plus emotional...

A good news for today is that we won the choir competition! We are going to Kuantan most probably next thursday. Congratulations. Other than that, no good news already I think.

That's all for today,
Jo.

SAD

Today, did a miracle again as I walked back home from school under the hot sun, without an umbrella..
Is this the way I can feel better?

During the choir practice today, I tried hard to control myself and sing properly, but I can't. This few days I keep saying I CAN'T. What's the problem with me?
I'm still trying not to think and control my tears.
I'm not as tough as what you all thought.
But, I know there is no point crying in front of you all, I don't need others to feel pity or ''tong qing'' me.
It's true that I sang badly just now and tomorrow is the competition.
I don't want to spoile the whole team, I just can't find a reason to quit.

You know, the feelings?
IT HURTS. DO YOU KNOW THAT?
This is the first time.
I can feel the pain and I just can't control my tears..
It's just too difficult, too hard, too pain to face...

I CAN'T!
I can't take it anymore.

结束

这次真的很伤，是我自己找来的吧。

MONDAY.

Assembly was so long today. Tired -.-

Entered for moral class after that and english.

Really have a lots of homework to do, until I don't know what to do with them. Where to start first?

I'm getting crazy soon!!!

Anyway, the Cameron trip was canceled. I don't know what happened, they just decided that the pidato will be on a separate day and place, which is good for me? nono, I thought can go to Cameron, because I never been there before ):

The competition will be held on 25 of May in Maran. I think it will be during my mid year test. How am I going to cope with it?  Have to memorise 6 topics all together -.-

Pleaseeee, stop asking me about my homework.

I know I haven't complete any of them, just stop asking me! I feel stressed up!

Although I won, I had to pay for it ): 

This week whole week will be practicing for choir. haiz. Now, I feel that I don't like to enter class to study anymore. I missed so many classes, and I wonder how am I going to do in the mid year test.. How am I going to achive my aim ?? ):

That's all. I'm sleepy but still have to work on my homework! crazyyyyyyyyyy~

Last day.

Today is the last day I'm being dependent.
I'm so lost today. I thought I can depend on you all the time, but now I realised I can't.
Ya I feel so miserable when I saw a cockroach in my room, and I don't know what to do. What did you all do? How do you all responded? Like no one heard?
Okay fine. I really understand now. And for goodness sake, at this moment, I'm terribly lost and I promised myself I won't be the Jolene last time anymore. It's time to be mature. I never felt as bad as now before.

I spent one hour cleaning my room.
I totally agree that God has planned everything. He knew what's going to happen next.
The cockroach appeared, and really I don't know what can I do. I just know to feel scared and I'm helpless. But when I think back, maybe this is planned, only because of that, I will start to clean my room and I will wake up and realise that I can't depend on people all the time. Everytime when I face difficulties, I'm looking for other's help. It's true. Now, I'm scared. Yes, I do feel sad and miserable and lost that you all didn't even want to come and have a look or even help me, whereas you all just continue on what you all were doing, act as if you all were deaf? I'm really angry. And now, I won't depend on you all anymore.

You can only trust yourself and God in this world. This is true.
When you are lost or helpless, remember that God is still with you, he never give up on you.

Sunday 5/4

Today is Sunday, my lovely sunday huh...

Overslept again, didn't go to church -.-  Went for breakfast just now, and now I'm at home :D

Have lots and lots and lots of homework to do. Don't think will post this few days huh..

Thursday will be our choir competition, while sunday I'm going to Cameron Highlands for my pidato state level. Scared scared~ Just knew that all the topics were changed, so I have to memorize all again ): And, I have only one week to do so!!!

But, I'm desperate to win something there :D

If our choir team win, we will go to Kuantan next week. So, my whole week will gone. Can we win? Let's see :D

That's all.

Homework... I'm coming, stop calling me.....

Pictures :D

Choral speaking~
Camera?
Converse
Kah yew, Jiayiee
Girls
Boys
Jolene, Jin yong
Lene, vone, lian, yew
haha. Jooguan, Jolene
Jolene & Daven

To be continue....

FRIENDS

A tired day, can't cope with so much homework to do. I really have a long list to go. SCARY~ Tired from morning until now.
Moody the whole day for don't know what reasons. Morning, suddenly caught by the maths teacher just to explain to us about maths. Then, become moody already. I really don't know what's the reason that I just can't focus to learn maths.
After recess, choir time. Singing~
* How gentle is the rain,
* that falls softly on the meadow,
* birds high up on the trees
* serenade the flow'rs with their melody~
Boys didn't appear -.- just two appeared, jooguan n juijie.

Finished earlier, reached home then quickly bathed because rushing for tuition.
However, went for tuition late also. 2.30- 7pm my brain was full of physics and add- maths.
Headache, still forcing myself to smile. Suddenly, heard a completely bad news from a friend. Mood definitely spoiled, confused, lost don't know what to do. Angry and sad. Quarreled and quarreled. No conclusion.

Next went to pizza hut with friends. Nobody served us so we decided to change to kfc.
No mood at all, can't pretend anymore. I'm sorry to you friends, I'm not purposely showing my face or not answering your questions. I just couldn't control. After that, we went to old town. I actually enjoyed being with a group of friends. It really made me felt warm. But, there are some who were being left out. I'm sorry. I really did my best to join with all of you. It just doesn't work. Is it my fault to call you alll out and make some of us unhappy and bored? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do so.
Later, we played a stupid game, true or dare which was actually suggested by me. Okay, it was bored I know. It's my poor arrangement and stupid ideas made some of you all so left out. During the game, although we played it in a stupid way, some of us really told the truth which really can make our friendship closer. It's not about talking bad about each other, maybe it's just a special way to understand each other more? Then, one by one of them went back home. I know we felt bored and I feel very sorry la actually. Just really don't know how to explain. But, sincerely, I do feel happy and thankful that I have you all as my friends. Some of us we started from not knowing each other at all, we ended friends now. Although not that close, anyway we still spend our time with each other in school everyday. While there are also some that we know each other for quite long time, many things happended during primary school life, and now we are friends too. Thank God for that.

I'm moody, sad today):
It's just out of control.

HAPPY HAPPY

A great day for Jolene.
I won the pidato diraja for the district level! Wow.. unbelieveable! really thank God!!!
I was the 10th contestant. When the spbi girl went up to perform(she was 8th), I said... Can't win liao lah, she is so good! Then, I started to worry this and that, finally it was my turn. Before I went up, I just pray and hope to do my best and deliver my script well. After that, I felt that I was okay, but still worrying that she might be better and evem won. Anyway, I told myself, I did my best and it's over so that's it.

After the competition, I just could not sit still. Wondering whether how was the results, could I manage to win her. Then, I saw Pn. Yap telling my mum something. From her lips I saw that she was saying the word ''second''. Honestly, I was disappointed and sad that time. I have a aim for every competition. And, I have confidence and I know what I should aim for. So, second can say to be not very good because I feel that I can actually win.

Later, the results was announced. Third was SMK Datuk Bahaman, second was SPBI. I was quite surprised that I thought, if she got second that means I failed? Suddenly, the chairperson said Johan was me! WOw, thank God, and I was so happy! Luckily, I didn't cry ar! haha. Happy happy really happy! I won. I'm the only Chinese and I won :D AGain, praise the Lord! All my hardwork is paid!!!! I practised for it although last minute, stressed for it, couldn't sleep, eat and do anything just because of it, scared and worry, finding famous people so that I would have some of their examples in my script, worried because the menteri belia dan sukan changed.... All and all... Daven knows right how I pass through everything and you gave me the support to continue. Thank you especially to my mum, teachers and friends who went to support me today :D thanks for your cheers :D haha

Very happy today :D will do my best for the state level. If I manage, I hope to get something back from there.

A MEMORABLE DAY!

Wow, CONGRATULATIONS to all of us! We got second for the choral speaking competition!! Which is very very good results! We worked so hard before this. All our hardship is paid!!! Praise the Lord!

When the judges were discussing, I was so nervous I can't sit still at all. I knew Hwa Lian would win because they did very well and also SPBI, we think these are the two teams who would win. So when the chairperson announced that SPBI got third, I was like... '' ok then, there's no more'' '' hope for next year, it's ok, bla bla bla.'' I was consoling myself already. And, all of the sudden, she announced that second place was SMK... TEMERLOH! Wow! I couldn't believe it! Then, I saw all of them clapping and shouting, all joy, smile, laugh, happy were on their face. WE WON!!! Although it's not first, but at least we won something. Second is very good already right? WELL DONE.

After that, we went for lunch. Then only my mum said, she was praying and when the results announced, she was so scared that the person might just add a JAYA behind Temerloh, which would make a big difference! haha! But, when she say TEMERLOH, everyone was clapping and cheering already! Nobody thought of that during that time, because we are HAPPY!

In addition to that, our forum won too I think if I'm not mistaken. Debate didn't pass, bahas reached semi final. TOMORROW, it will be my turn and also Fatin for public speaking. I'm sure we will do our best!! How also I will try to get something back, I knew that it will be weird tomorrow. Because I think I'm the only chinese. Some say like that is better, some say no... Okay, nevermind, it's the fact. So, what to worry? Just go up the stage and give my best. Jolene should never be scared of giving speech. Tried so many times already, so what's the big deal? ok, pray and go up! that's it.

Okay, it's time for my practice to continue! All the best for fuichi and fatin who are taking part in public speaking, and the others who are taking part in pantun? End already? not sure~