崩溃

Yesterday, I was damn frustrated because of my stupid homework.

I don't know how to do and all of a sudden I feel I'm so useless and I just don't know what to do.

So, mum suggested that I should drop bk to at least lighten my burden. I'm very very tired.

I'm tired of studying.

Why am I suffering so much that I can't finish my homework?

Now, not only that, I don't even know how to do.

I can't catch up for almost all the subjects.

Wanted to talk a lot, but I have forgotten everything.

Yesterday, I really don't know what should I do. I was lying on the floor, helpless...

I didn't want to talk to anyone neither my mum nor my friends.

Then, I cried.

People used to say I'm so weak, not tough enough.

When I face problems, I will cry.

Wonder how am I going to face my college life or even working in the future.

突然好想写华语。

我实在找不到自己，很无助。我不知道以前那不轻易放弃，为了得到好成绩而努力的我去了哪里。我顿时觉得很辛苦。功课的压力，朋友的问题，比赛的压力，父母的唠叨，把我压得真的快喘不过气来。有些人会想，只不过是那么小事，干嘛要这么紧张？功课做不完可以怎样，不就慢慢来啦！烦也没有用！觉得这句话没错吗？对我来说，我不懂什么叫慢慢来了！当你永远都做不完时，而前面还有一大堆的东西等着你，你就知道什么叫恐怖。我现在对着满桌子的功课，已经厌倦了！

可能我的朋友们你们都有这样的问题，而你们都能面对它。我则是比较弱的那一位。懒惰，贪玩的性格让我走不下去。我很辛苦。我不知道自己可以怎样。现在，什么事情我都会不爽，我不想读书了。这所有的问题都因为我懒惰，我真的不懂可以怎样改掉这性格。我功课都做不完，还读什么书，考什么试啊！

中三和中四的分别很大。中四的读书日子，你永远不会有休息的一天。你会和我说，这都是我累积成的功课。每天都有补习，难道你们都不觉得累吗？我连看电视的时间都牺牲了。我真的很累很累，我好想放弃了！！ 没有人会明白我心里有多么的难受！

为什么我还那么得空在这里浪费时间? 让我告诉你吧，我太笨了，每一科我都跟不上，现在的我脑里一片空白，我还要做什么功课？还要慢慢来做什么？等死？

讲了一大堆的谎话，参加比赛的稿，十多篇我要怎么背？对你的确给了我很多时间！ 又是因为我懒惰？我真的就是那么懒吗？何谓懒？那些不上课只顾着惹事的人不是懒吗？而我就是他们哪一类的？

比赛，还去比什么你告诉我？我没心读那两本书，试过晚上都会提醒自己要记得读，但当我赶了功课，我都精疲力尽了！还读什么？怎样读啊？我不会安排自己的时间？？？

随便吧，总之什么都可以用在我身上。我什么都不会就对了！

我不敢参与你们，因为你们都是勤劳的人，而我不是属于你们的。我不知道自己在哪里，我真的很累了！

still pray for what?

I never go church, never read bible, never pray, still got what to say?

I'm just lost.

I don't know how to go back to You. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

WOW. Today is Jolene's birthday. hehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Thanks ya for my friends, xuewah, jiayiee, daven, muhillan, raveena, jinyong, wailing, aiwie, xing er, ween ching and poh shien for the cake yesterday. And, thanks for coming to kfc :D

Had an enjoyable one yesterday!

At first, we wanted to go to pizza.

But, the NICE, KIND worker of pizza hut said that we cannot bring the cake in. So, we changed our place to kfc.

After our meal and after cutting cake, we all started playing with the cake. Putting it on people's face and so on. Once a while, playing cake, it's okay lah. Relax friend (:

Pity me and jinyong. He kena his ears and neck whereas I kena my whole hand full of the cheese. Thanks to xuewah for her great job. :D

We even got scolded for being too noisy, so we learnt our lesson. Next time, no matter what party, don't held it at a restaurant. Make it at your house. At least you can enjoy every second fully :D wow.

Then, we went to ''fan ban'' old town to have tea. At first wanted to play some more but our mood all went down already. Too tired and it was quite late. They all went back home one by one, so at last we finished our ICE LEMON TEA ( weenching knows the meaning) and went home.

Had a wonderful time with you all. Thanks for everything :D Friendship forever ^^

Now, thanks for all the birthday wishes.

I wanted to jot down all the names in ascending order, but I failed. haha.

So, the first is chee hou, pei lee, chunyong, sean, wai kit, chin hoong, lovely yiyi, meiyi, xiang, aaron, agnes, poh shein, xuewah, muhillan, raveena, kevin, kaihao, jingye, mr. lim, rasa, boon theng, ah lek, jiayiee, ishyam, daven, yinsin, sheyee, chee hoe, ai wie, ween ching, kido, fuichi, ween hwua, shengyi, mummy, joel, jinyong, rida, annis, dasma, kama, aini and the gang, fairuz, eugene, mr.pika, celeste, chee khoon, chun joe, raj, teck yoon, chun how, jielian, huisi, xing er, kahong, jason, yithoong, teacher lea, zhi hui, amelia, lisin, wei sern, daddy, wen chong, hong loong, selene, joanne, huiling, cheng hong, felix, dharshenny, ling, khai jye, jimmy, alan, loong, xiang, janice, joo liang, joo guan, ze zshen, kianyoon, jern ian, shahrul, kahchun, kaichin, teacher chong, jean....

Yea, I hope I never leave anyone behind. I managed to write all I guess. Thanks all :D

This year, I didn't get 0000. Haha. Okay, it's a bit wu liao huh.

As a result, thank you all!

Thanks also to jinyong and daven for the presents :D

So now, Jolene's birthday is over ):

memories.

sweet or sad memories?

it's not the matter of hate anymore, as I don't know why and how to hate you.

我不再恨你，

因为我知道，这一切早已过去。

或在回忆里，的确很痛苦，我希望我能尽快走出来。

也许，很多人会说为什么是他，你问我，我也不会回答你。但，现在，这一切在也不重要。

因为，我要习惯没有你的日子。

拿起电话，我仍然想起你。写好的信息，依然没发出去。我想大家好过点。我知道我们都还在关心彼此，虽然已经不一样了，但维持着这样，就已经足够了。

所有的回忆藏在心里，谁也带不走它。

我希望，当你找到身边的她时，别告诉我。

仍然好想你，我可以忘记你吗？

不再想你，是我最后的决定。

Today, went to school actually for maths only. Because 1st period the malays had their prayers.

Surprisingly, add-maths teacher came.

I actually told my friends that she won't come today as she was going to kl.

Luckily, she explained about that to the class. Haha, felt so guilty at first.

Was informed that we have to go back to school and take the UIA maths competition. I don't know whether I mention it correctly or not, because I myself don't know what is it.

They put my name.

I was damn lazy to go.

Didn't attend choir practice too. As I got something on.

Rest at home after that. Then, went for accounts tuition.

There are some brainxxxx people around. Come on la, if you have nothing to do, please get lost and go back home instead of disturbing people.

Let us have peace!!

Irritated, disturbedddd ): -angry-

shall continue later.... mind blank~

Used to be

Wow, Jolene is very thankful today.

Yesterday, I almost fainted when I reached home after tuition because I was too tired.

Stayed back in school until 5.30 then at night again, went for tuition.

I was really tired yesterday.

I just couldn't stand anymore, and I just lied down on the floor couldn't make myself to stand up and go to bed.

I was hungry and tired ):

My kind and beloved mummy cooked meehoon for me. I didn't even have the energy to eat.

Later, after taking panadol, I went to sleep.

Before sleeping, I was worried as I haven't finish my tugasan harian for moral. And, I realised that I haven't practice to be the mc for today.

I just couldn't wake up anymore, and I saw the bible verse in my phone.

As usual, I prayed to God. But, yesterday I prayed together with that verse. I can't manage to do anything anymore, I just leave it to You.

This morning when I woke up, it started to rain. I know that I'm not lucky, God heard my prayer. He knows that there are too many things for me today.

Therefore, today is the forth time I missed the chance going up on stage.

Haha, I don't mind doing so actually as I'm quite used to it. But, maybe I will do some stupid mistakes, so God keep avoiding me to go up? Yea, maybe. hehe.

Jolene is getting lazy again.

My homework is becoming more and more again.

Stop being lazy.

Today, want to finish bm komsas, physics and biology nota.

GO JOLENE. STOP DREAMING. jiayouuu :D

Jolene is still sad.

Is it I'm the one who had changed or you all are the ones who had changed?

Haiz, probably me.

I'm the left out one as usual.

I enter group one, wanted to get in the topic, I can't.

I try group two, yea it's better nowadays, but they are having more fun without me.

No matter group one or group two, they are having more fun without me, and that's the conclusion.

If included me, the whole situation will be weird. Yea, extremely weird.

Found one, he was willing to teach me, and we can even be very good friends, but however the chance never come. He is too busy for me.

Found two, she is a very nice friend. However, I never know what is she thinking about. I don't even know when or why is she unhappy.

Found 3, long ago have been good friends yet still can't share anything with her. Sometimes don't know what is she thinking too.

Found 4,5 and 6, sometimes can be close. But, they feel happier without me around. Situation won't be so tensed.

Found 7, don't know when, she ruined my life indirectly.

Found 8, know her since secondary. Have same situation but don't have the chance to get to together.

Found 9, very close friend before this. Shared everything, can get good advice from her. Now, she is in a different class.

Found 10, lastly you. Only friend can share, but not all. Not your fault, it's just I don't know how to say. The only person who cares about me.

Found 10, 11, 12 and so on~ ''friends'' yea.. as you said so.

Am I blamming otherS? Or is it all my fault?

Today in the lab, or whenever I was dreaming, I looked around.

Everyone has a smile on their face, laughing, smiling. Happiness all around.

I tried to join, why can't I feel the happiness?

Maybe, I'm more suitable to be in my own world, enjoying my life with my books, as I don't disturb others, don't make any situation which is funny to become tensed, as I don't need to make a fool of myself doing silly jokes and laugh myself, as I don't need to think of ways to join in others conversation........ yea... that's it.

Don't be sad or unhappy, it's my own feelings and opinion.

I didn't mention who are them, please don't put in your names as you like.

伤害

你知道那对我有多大的伤害吗？

你知道吗？

一句的对不起能够弥补所有的一切吗？

我不稀罕。

又处于不懂自己在做什么的状态了。

清醒吧！他已经离开了，不会再回来了。已经失去了！别再这样下去！

到底明白吗？

一切已经过去了！

一切的痛苦由我来承担，只希望永远不需要再见到你，我不想再见到你，一个伤害我的人！

因为你，让我更坚决地想换号码。换了，就等于一切已经结束。而没换，也没什么差别，因为我的电话，不会再出现你的信息。

这是我的遗憾。

MONDAY.

Maths teacher was not here today, WOW.

But, we had prefects meeting, so there was no difference. Too bad ):

English, still owe my lovely mummy two essays, relax ya. Coming soon, still in the process.

Physics, as usual I'm blind, deaf during physics. -.- It's not that I don't want to listen to him you know, he is just............ I can't understand what is he talking about!!!!

Moral, memorizing nilai :D had fun. haha.

While bm, as usual doing corrections. She asked us to do but she NEVER mark our book. Hm, she marked, but just simply ticking without even having a glance on our work. Wasted my effort ): At least, she read la and tell me where is my mistake what. She asked us to do corrections by taking one of the essays from other class, I wonder that is the most perfect essay in the world? ...

Wow, a bit over over ar. hehehe. That's jolene.

Well, when I reached home, I was doing....?? Hmm, I lost part of my memory, I have forgotten what I did just now. But after that, I actually didn't want to sleep, ACCIDENTALLY, I fell asleep. And, when I woke up, my handphone showed it was 5.40. Ya lah, my phone is faster than usual time for about 5 minutes.

And, I realised, WHAT DAY IS TODAY? monday.. HEY, I'M LATE FOR TUITION!!!! HAHA.

Rushed down, my mum thought I was sick and didn't want to go for tuition. Well, I'm a healthy girl k. Hehehe. God bless me :D

Guess what, I forgot to bring my water bottle, my pencil box and my calculator for tuition.

Good, sleep la Jolene. Sleep more!!! Thank God I have a pen in my bag, feel so uneasy without my pencil box which is full of the things which I needed. -.-

Luckily, I got one pencil box and a calculator after tuition :D hehehe.

A little too over after tuition.

Was thinking where to eat. 7-11, malay shop or ally? Every week has this problem. Where to eat?

At last we decided to go for ally, very sad that the taufu required my xuewah was out of service. HAHA. And, that little girl keep complaining that she wants taufu taufu and taufu. ~~

Later, my turn going crazy. We bought potato chips from 7-11.

On the way to jielian's house, I kept laughing and laughing like a mad person. haha. That xuewah la, I see her face then I started to laugh and laugh. People looking at me, wondering where is this mad girl from? HAHA. I'm not mad, I'm normal k. Relax (:

Finally, reached home.

Jolene is doing her chinese essay now. Wow. Miracle. First was cleaning up my room, swept and mopped the floor. Second was this.

Like father like daughter? or Like daughter like father? okay, whatever~

haha. That day my daddy cleared up the house in the midnight. I was so angry because it was noisy. Then, just now my mum said. I really same as my daddy. Like to clean up at night -.-

that's why I'm his daughter k.

My birthday is coming. When it's near, I stop counting.

When it's still a month or even a year away, I started to count down and reminding my mum every single second. haha.

I hope to get surprise. From my mum, maybe? But, she has stated clearly, this year no more ): Because I had taken the photos before this which cost her about 100 over ringgit.

Anyway, you still owe me a converse bag. hehehe

That's all for today.

I shall continue on my work or have a nice sleep.

Goodnight everyone ! :D

lovely sunday

Lovely sunday.

My favourite day is SUNDAY. hehe

As shown in the picture, Jolene finished whole packet of french fries herself for the FIRST time, I guess? haha. Okay la, a bit ''bo liao''

Regret that I didn't go for worship this morning! Professor Yap speaking about ''what is worship''.

After Joel, my brother's sunday school, my irritating brother, he never stop being irritating -.-

We went to mentakab as every sunday we will go :D

Happy because other days I don't have the chance to go gai gai, or walk walk. Hehe.

I don't like to stay at home.

We went to the store, watsons.

Spent so much time in watsons because of my mum la.

We all were quarreling about which colour to buy. I mean to dye her hair. She said every colour put dye on her hair will be black what, so no difference.

I choose what also she will comment because there were so many different types of brown-.-

Mum: Which to choose? Faster la, simply choose one for me.

Me: Okay. (took one, whatever brown la, showed her)

Mum: You sure this one? Like too red.

Me: Okay. -took natural brown-

Mum: don't want la. Like nothing special

Me: -.-

Mum: faster la. Anyway, dye what colour also will be black.

Me: -took number one which is black- then, gave her.

Mum: why you take black? It makes my hair very unnatural.

Me: OKAY. TAKE THIS ONE LA, LIGHT BLONDE, then you can see the difference CLEARLY.

Mum & Me: start laughing ~~~~ whole shop our voice.

Choose one colour also took us almost half an hour I guess.

Tonight, I'm going to church again :D

Professor Yap will be talking about Israel 1 and 2. and, I'm interested :D

Hey, give me comments. Digi or hotlink?

Prepaid or postpaid better?

I'm sick of using postpaid la. Now, my sms very cheap, but one call cost me 30 sen -.-

title?

I'm glad, many of my friends went :D

After two days, I'm back (:

Well, Friday was a tiring day.

After school, I had to go for choir practice, singing the song in such a weird way -.- I forgot the tone, oh my goodness~ As I didn't go for the practice last week, I was quite lost in the beginning. LOL.

Everyone was singing with the right tone, and Jolene was lost, starring at the paper. sad case.

On friday too, have conflict with someone. But, at last it was okay. You try to do it again, I won't forgive you.

Okay, after choir, rushed back home and went to tuition after that. Great, two tuition.

As usual, was blur during physics tuition~~~ so, Jolene was actually dreaming. Then, accounts tuition. Count, count and count. Ended up my brain full of numbers and numbers.

Finally, finished tuition. Mum fecthed jielian, sam and me to 'duo xiang' for dinner.

Then, we went to the church after waiting for mr. tay(who decided to go after that) to finish his dinner and we walked to church. Was very angry with someone who spoilt my whole day *angry*.

But, enjoyed the special meeting. Oh ya, I don't know whether I made a mistake in my previous post. The speaker is Professor Yap actually.

I enjoyed the talk, and happy that many of my friends went :D

The first day was about fossils. He told us that there is no evolution by proving to us. Very interesting, but the next talk, I was quite confused with it. Don't really understand. Overall, it is quite good (:

Reached home at 11 something.

Saturday.

Finally got to eat my ''gan lao lao shu fen''. Hehehe. After so many years, the taste is still the same, I love it :D

After that, Jolene spent the whole day sleeping actually. Until suddenly, ah pan called me and asked when is my birthday -.- Spoilt my sleep and my dream.

Woke up, realised that I wasted my time again. Every time I will tell myself I must do this, do that during weekends. However, I never success even once.

I was too tired during weekdays, so when saturday and sunday reach, I can't leave my bed.

At night, again I went to church. It was about science in the bible.

Wow, such an interesting one. I don't know about others. I myself like the talk a lot (:

As it reminds me how great is our God, the creator of the world. He knew what is going to happen in the future, so through the bible He tell us about it. The books in the bible exist thousands years ago. Who knows Science during that time? Why the things stated in the bible is definitely the same which is related to Science which we know today? This proves that God knows everything.

The end of the talk was quite scary as he talked about sins and judgement. For the wages of sin is DEATH.

Heb 9: 27 tells us that death is not the end of everything. After death, there will be JUDGEMENT for everyone of us. So, don't ever think that you can enjoy, you know, get off of all the suffering and so on. Because, there will be the judgement day awaiting you.

It seems scary, especially when I listened to Professor Yap.

But God never want to scare people, because He is the only One who knows the future and that's the truth as it will happen.

So, what are we waiting for?

God has sent his Only Son to die for us on the cross, He has paid all the penalty that God demands. The only thing we need to do is to receive God's gift. God wants us to receive it.

Accept or Reject, that's the only thing we need to decide.

After church, went to ally cafe with daven. Saw mr. lim there.

Had supper and finally reached home at almost 12 I think?

FRUSTRATED OR FANTASTIC?

Frustrated or fantastic?

I love both words. Yea, I love them like mad.

Why is Jolene so busybody?

Why is Jolene acting like a small child?

Why is Jolene doing such stupid thing?

Why is Jolene crying for things that is not worth it?

Why is Jolene caring for things that TIDAK BERKAITAN, NOTHING GOT TO DO WITH HER?

Why is Jolene so useless?

Why is Jolene sad all the time?

Why is Jolene making everything so complicated?

Why Jolene is always the one who do all this things?

Why Jolene is the one who care for something, but in the end she ruins the whole thing?

Why Jolene can't understand what are others talking about?

Why Jolene can't be a person for others to share with?

Why is Jolene always worrying for this and that?

Why Jolene can't just say ''I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT''?

WHY I JUST CAN'T DO THAT?

I realised, I expect a return from others after what I have done.

This is totally wrong.

Do not be afraid- I am with you!

I am your God- let nothing terrify you!

I will make you strong and help you;

I will protect you and save you.

Isaiah 41:10

Such a wonderful verse! I love this verse a lot lot! It takes all my pain away.

God I don't know what to do, but I turn my eyes upon you.

That's the end for everything.

Don't think anymore.

It will only be more complicated. So, it's better to stop thinking, leave everything to God.

God makes everything happens with a purpose, He has planned everything to happen. So, why am I worrying for all these things?

Maybe He wants me to go through these things, so that I will be a tough girl.

I feel very frustrated when I was writing at the beginning, I even broke down with tears. But, I suddenly remember about the verse we learnt during bk class.

WOW, GOD LOVES ME.

I get to know God when I was listening to a speaker, forgot his name. That time, I was facing some problems, and surprisingly, I felt that God is talking to me through that speaker. That was when I started to believe in Christ. I have such a BIG BIG GOD, SUCH A LOVING GOD.

Everytime, when I'm facing a problem. The moment I attend church or bk class or even opening my bible, God speaks to me. EVERYTIME. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GOD LOVES ME? WOW!!! I'M SO EXCITED.

何谓‘’朋友‘’

这几天的我，都处于心情低落的情况，而身为朋友的你们发觉到了吗？

说了这句话，有人会在说，我又在博同情了吧！我希望大家明白，这是我的blog，我又发言的权利，而且我没强逼任何人来看。

这只是我发泄的工具吧了。

Today, school was okay. HATE PJ, yea Jolene hates PJ!!!!!! PENDIDIKAN JASMANI.

He always comes in and torture me ar.

Don't let me do homework, then he talks about those stupid things.

About stress? emotion? Yaa, right! You are making me more stressed and more emotional!

Still must prepare a book for his notes. My sejarah and biology notes can't even finish already, so YOU, please take your number and wait!

Was damn bad mood already, he still come in and talk and talk and talk. Wow. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE MAN...............!

Luckily, I was writing some lyrics of christian songs. That makes my heart calm, and I have peace after that.

Or else, I will bomb the teacher?

Regretted that I actually show my ''bu shuang'' face to him. Hey, that's very rude, girl! Jolene never done that before!

Yea, I regret. Sorry teacher. He is my teacher, and how also I will respect him. But, please la, let me finish my homework first then I will deal with your notes ya.

English was okay. Homework a lot. Have to do later, together with maths and add- maths.

I'm lonely, you know?

When he was talking about emotion in class, I almost cried. It's because I'm too tired I think. I'm too tired of my school life, and everything around me.

I don't have the peace in my heart. My heart is full of jealousy, sad, fear, worried and so on~

I was reading the bible yesterday, something about peace.

There is one way to overcome it, that is to calm down and really spend some time with God. TALK TO HIM, as I don't have anyone else to talk to.

That's such a sad case. I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Before this was about him, I can't tell my family because my mum don't allow us to be together. Then, I chose to tell my friends. In the end, one really listen to me, but I hurt the person the most. Hey, do I have only one friend? I tried to talk to others, guess what they react to my conversation? I'm really sad you know, when any of you is facing any problem, I will always be there to listen to you, but when I have the problem, where are you all?

I remembered, sometimes I cry, it's not because of him, he has hurt me until I don't know how to react already, but it's because I realise that I don't have friends you know.

Why do this ''FRIENDS'' problem always come to me?

Since primary school, there were so many problems. Is it really because I'm still not mature enough?

Why other people can have good friends, best friends while I don't have?

I always think about this question, I try to recall what did I do. Okay, I know I'm very emotional. Sometimes, I think I'm better than others. I tried, I really tried very hard to control, even my patience, I always remind myself that I should stay calm.

And, when others hurt me, I remind myself, God can forgive our sins then why can't we forgive others. So, when I realised I did a mistake, I even can say sorry to someone who I was very angry with after something happens.

I tried not to hate others, but why I still can feel the loneliness in my heart?

Okay fine. Maybe they are not interested with my problems. So, no one wish to listen. Yea, maybe. They just have their topics to talk, but it does not included me.

The pj teacher said, say out if something bothers you. Who am I suppose to talk to?????!!!

I talked to my mum before about this long ago, she always reminds me that I should be tough.

Don't be influeced by those things. If people don't want to be friends with you, just let it be. The world does not end here, you are going to meet more people in the future. There are more and more friends you will meet.

Yea, I always tell myself that. It's okay. Everything will be fine soon. I shouldn't be angry over small small things. Anyway, I have friends. It's just that I haven't found someone whom I can really share everything with the person.

I still have God who will always be with me.

This is what I always use to console myself.

My mum said, don't always think you are right and people is wrong.

Well, I can say that, I always think that I'm wrong, and so people treat me like that,

So pleaseeee. If there is anything in any of your heart that Jolene has hurt you, please say it out to me. Instead of let me guessing and wondering.

I accept any comments, but don't just leave me behind. When you are happy, then you come and join me. When you are not, you walk away.

Maybe I did this to any of you before, I'm really sorry.

I'm not pointing at anyone, please don't misunderstand about this.

For those who have best friends, PLEASE, I SAY PLEASE, appreciate your friends around you.

Don't do anything to hurt them. Don't ever try or even think to do like that.

Once get hurt, it's very sad.

For you, I don't need the ''chance'' you created for me and him, what I need is you all.

Do you get what I mean?

Lovely sunday

Lovely sunday (:

Went to yp today, Uncle Sai Kee shared a nice verse :D

Ephesians 4: 32

Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God has forgiven you in Christ.

And for your information,

there will be special meetings on this friday, saturday and sunday.

A talk will be given by Professor Yap (:

Friday- will be on fossil and geology

Saturday- Science in the bible (with gospel message)

Sunday- Israel I and Israel II

Time: 8pm

Venue: Temerloh Gospel Chapel

We welcome you :D

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And also for youths, we have a youth meeting every sunday evening at 4.30pm.

We will have worship, indoor game, a message and outdoor games.

Do spare your time to come and join us (:

Let's spend our time knowing more about God together.

sunday's post.

no electricity that day, forgot to post.

please take note about the dates that our church having special meetings :D

nightmare ):

Whenever I sleep, I keep having nightmare huh.....

Until I'm so tensed that I can't sleep well.

Yesterday couldn't wake up.

At night had another bad dream again. ):

This time I dreamt that Jingye won a public speaking competition, he got first prize leh. Public speaking in chinese.

After knowing the results, we were celebrating, I guess? In a shopping mall.

We were kidnapped by a whole group of girlsss.

Nono, not him. Me only. He actually went to chase after someone, while I was behind him and I was caught. wowow, I wonder is it a game??? haha. -.-

The group of girls were super scary.

All have mental problem and had been bullied or tooo stressed I guess.

They were very pretty but I couldn't really recognise who was who, because they looked alike.

I was trying very hard to be friends with them and get out of the place.

I just have no idea where they brought me.

They even have a worship to dono who.... LOL. and, they forced me to worship to their God.

Then, I realised more and more of my friends being brough there.

Jingye knew where we had been kept, but he couldn't enter that place. haha

At last, I woke up, shocked and sweat all over my head -.-

Overall, when I am writing this post, it actually looks funny.

In reality, I think it will not happen bah! haha.

Uncle, you appeared in my dream! haha

pink pink

Changed to a pink pink template.

For a change, quite bored with that black, dark and dull skin.

Quite irritated with some of my posts ar, very pek chek. Now only I realised it was so long-.-

Okay relax la, I will cut it shorter from now onwards k.

Today, was a relaxing day, but a bit too relaxing for me until I kena bomb just now.

At first, didn't get to eat my favourite ''lao shu fen'' at my favourite shop. -angry-

Then, reached home watched the show. I forget its name. Only 5 eipisode. Quite interesting la, although it's quite fake and not that natural. Anyway, 5 eipisodes only what.

After that, Jolene went to sleep and did some homework.

I had a bad dream just now. I forgot what's the dream, but in the dream I was extremely scared, and I tried very hard to open my eyes and wake up, but I just couldn't.

Wow, it scares me. I woke up with a shock and a bad headache. My whole head was not functioning that time -.-

= forgot everything about the housework =

That's the reason got bomb loh~

sorry ):

Folded clothes later, and be a good girl. hehehe

It's time to sleep now.

Homework, I will be there for you tomorrow.
Relax la, don't worry k, I will be there.

nightsssss

blogsss.

When I stop writing my blog, people will ask: '' why didn't you write you blog?''

Some even see my blog as their COMIC huh. Good yea. haha. I'm not angry, at least you spend time to read what.

Yesterday, there was no electricity, so unfortunately I couldn't post. Sad case.

Today, as usual. Jolene went to school. bla bla bla bla~ nothing to talk about school.

Yea, I went to view somebody's blog. I can be considered as 8? haha. Just curious and went to see see~

And, I found out that some of them really used their blogs to express their feelings, their secrets, their problems.

This is what Jolene can't do. I don't have the courage to do so, and I don't want to create problems. I often think what's the purpose of my blog as I still hold back some of my feelings.

When I was viewing one of the blogs, I realised there are people who are same like me, having all kinds of problems. I realised there are mainly on friends and love relationship.

To Jolene, besides that 2 problems, STUDIES is her MAIN problem she used to face everyday.

After two months, this is the third month after we have broken up. Yea, this is the first time I'm talking about this problem.

Actually, we have been together for 8 months but not one year. We have been close since last year's valentine's day.

On 27th of July, Jolene's 15th birthday. You called and wish me happy birthday. Later, you said you actually wanted to tell me something, but you didn't.

I know what you wanted to say, but I just pretended as though I didn't know anything.

Yea, as expected, you told me ''我爱你'' for the first time. And you asked, 黄翠玲小姐，你愿意做我的女朋友吗？I didn't answer your question, but deep in my heart, it was a ''yes''

Since then, everyone questioned about it. Why did you chose him? Even my family.

Jolene prayed. Ask God whether is him the right choice?

God tried to tell me in many ways, I should stop. There will not be an ending for us. I will just suffer like what my mum said. When she found out, she was so sad, angry and disappointed.

As a daughter, I just don't want to see her like that.

During the eight months, we broke up, together and broke up for many many and many times.

It is uncountable.

But, I still love you. I told myself I still love you, I will prove to them, loving you is correct, I can handle my studies while being with you.

Thank God I got my 8A's, and I didn't disappoint my mum.

Day by day, everything was changing. God is working. He wanted me to stop, but I was too stubborn.

I went to singapore, and he claimed that I had changed since then.

He meant my attitude.

That time, I miss the time when we were not together. At least, we will have peace.

When I came back from my holidays, our love has faded. Everything started to change.

We quarreled everyday. Really everyday. Everyday I said I wanted to break.

Everytime, he said sorry, tell me how much he love me, wants to be with me.

A soft- hearted girl forgave him again and again. Everytime he is the one who requested to patch.

Early of April, we quarreled. 7th of April, that was the first time, this boy I love said he don't know how to be with me anymore. He was fed up with my sensitive attitude. Should say he was fed up with me. This was the first time, Jolene has been rejected, or being left or being requested to break by a guy. I cried.

I still remember that day. I was crying badly. I couldn't feel anything. I was shocked and there was such a pain in my heart that I couldn't describe it.

That was the first time, and it actually tells me that's the end, Jolene.

I couldn't accept it, and for two months I was dreaming all the time, crying everyday when I was alone. I couldn't tell anyone, even God.

I have disobeyed Him, how can I pray that I will receive comfortness from Him. I started not praying, not reading bible, not atteding church, simply doing homework, everyday just spent my time thinking of him.

Why he treated Jolene like that? That's was the question in my mind.

I was terribly hurt, and I don't know what's拿得起，放得下！I was living in my own world.

Doing stupid things to hurt myself and so on.

It was a terrible nightmare for me, do you know that?

Just now. I wanted to seek for an answer.

I sms him

Me: 你真的忘了我们的事吗？我要的是大案，不是对不起。

Him: 没有忘记啦，哎哟！

Me: 我好想知道原因，你老是告诉我好吗？

Him: 对不起，我不喜欢你了！ .......

Me: ........ ( I didn't know what to reply...)

I can still feel the pain in my heart.

Recently, I stop thinking of you, stop sms with you. I just stop everything.

I was still hoping, but it is very unfair to others. So, I wanted to know the answer.

As expected, you got the answer since you first said want to break, you didn't tell me is just not to hurt me.

Girls like to be hurt so that they can forget completely.

When they don't get the answer, they will still be hoping. When they got the answer, they feel sad.

This time for me, yea I 'm sad because he told me like that.

But, I guess it's over right.... Yep, it should really come to an end.

Now, my heart is very calm and peaceful.

Don't worry friends, I'm okay.

I have been given enough time and I'm a big girl now right, I should face it toughly. I mean for the last two weeks, I did it right.

Life still needs to continue.

And, ya repent completely.

I should not think of it anymore.

Besides love, there are many things in the world.

After reading this post, you may know who is the person, you may be angry or be disappointed with Jolene.

But I can tell you, it's over. It has past.

When I was with him, I have a happy memory.

Anyway, by this, I know that relationship won't last long.

DOn't you agree with me?

kuiz pelancongan

Tomorrow, Jolene is going for a quiz pelancongan.

Just got to know about it today, but going to compete tomorrow. geng ar~

I'm a bit slow than others. especially rika, she is good. Whatever question we ask, sure she can answer.

I don't want because of me, the team lose leh ):

I'm a bit over this few days, which I don't know why.

Okay, first is never go to school. My leg is not that serious already actually, but I skipped school for so many days. Is there a need for that? Or I just want others to pity me -.- LOL.

Yea, don't know why I got this feelings in me. I don't know what am I feeling.

Is like there is two jolene. One will say, no you are injured so you didn't go to school; the other one will say you are lazy, Jolene.

Then next is about the quiz.

Why am I so ''over'' about it?

I didn't enter class the whole day because of this. Why did Jolene do such thing?

Isn't it studies is the most important thing in my life?

Start again, the Jolene will say, you are going for competition so you didn't enter; the other one will say Jolene, you are lazy! You skipped class all the time. You don't want to study anymore, aren't you? You have lost your interest on studies.

Oh my goodnessssss....

My head is going to crack -.-

Everything you know.....

There is two Jolene talking in me.

You get what I mean?

I'm crazy? maybe................

In everything, there will be two opinion. And, yea... I'm a little too over.

I must CONTROL myself. Over until I don't know what am I doing~ I think I must have rest too much, until I lost myself.

Stop controlling meeeeeeeeeeee!

I have a big big God.

well well well.

-stupid title-

As expected, Jolene didn't go to school today.haha -.-''

So, whole day I was doing nothing.

And now after my blog, I have to finish my komsas.

Sadly, Xuewah is not going to school tomorrow ):

Tomorrow there will be kecergasan going on. No idea what is that. A torture for me.

I will wear pj shirt, not to be the special one. But, I hope that I can avoid the kecergasan thing. Can I?

As we know, Jolene hates sports. Why want to torture me? ):

Nothing speacial to write about for today.

Oh ya, just know that an email spread the news to australia and back to singapore, finally to my mum.

WOW. So, have been warned to keep my mouth shut. haha.

Yiyi, don't worry. She is okay I guess, will take care of her (: and remember to look out for my bag yaaaa :D loveees

It's time for me to say byebye to my blogggg :D

Although it's raining, I feel HOT! WHY?

Jesus loves you & me.

stars

When I'm writing this post, I'm thinking of stars.

because of Mr. Lim's blog la, talking about stars.

Today,

Jolene didn't go to school.

Tomorrow,

Is Jolene going to school?

I'm lazy.

I went to the clinic in the afternoon.

Mummy's blood pressure so high again -.- 160/90 ar! yiyi, if you see this, please call her and scold her. warn her not to drink coffee.

She always curi curi drink leh! Think I don't know.

I actually wanted to take mc because I didn't go to school today.

I could hardly walk in the morning, before my dad help me to massage my leg -.-

Then, went to the doctor. He suggested that I should wash the wound because it has sign that the wound is infected already. Oh my goodness!!

I shout like mad!

I agree strongly that nurses are CRUEL!

haha. Because when I fell down, I didn't wash it immediately and I put plaster which makes it worse. So, the skin sticked there.

And, this KIND nurse helped me to take the skin out, call what la? not skin right. haha.

OVER AR!!!!!! I screamed like mad, it was so painful you know? I was sweating like mad ):

She said before this there was a 3 year-old boy injured his leg too, he didn't cry just sat there calmly and let her do it.

WOW. Jolene can't do that, mad ar? crazy ar? not painful?!!!!!!!

Then, after that she asked me to do myself at home. -.-

Until now, I dare not open it to clean it. haha.

wait....... relax la.

don't over like the nurse ):

Went for tuition, both charles and chuah.

Nothing special.

Just they were talking about that boy.

I didn't purposely want to laugh at him la, didn't mean to do also lo.

Teckyoon still want to call him back -.-

I'm not teasing, didn't mean to laugh in front of him. Sincerely, sorry. ):

Going to sleep soon.

night night.

My leg is still pain pain pain ):

God Loves You

Second day

jingye + jolene

DAVEN!
ky+ jolene
daven + jolene

all of us, not all huh. some missing

Once I start writting, I can't stop.

I don't mind whether anyone reads it or not, I would just like to share :D

Woke up at 7 something.

Few of them are bathing, some gone out already.

Had breakfast at 9am, then we got a one and a half hour session.

Firstly, chui yeng and the other guy, sorry I forgot his name, asked us two questions.

1. What is the purpose in life?

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 year's time?

I actually wrote on my paper that, 1st the purpose of in my life is to serve God and I want to be a pharmacist in the future. Well, you know I changed what I want to be in future again right? haha. After watching that show, it influenced me as it is quite scary facing those problems. I think I will go crazy with them too.

Yea, serve God. Joshua said that too. Ya, as a christian, our purpose of life should be serving God fully. Who am I that deserve God's love? I'm a sinner, but I have an awesome God, an amazing God!

Secondly, in 5 year's time, I probably will still be studying :D

Later, we started to worship. And, after that there was a drama presented by the Subang Jaya people. It was very interesting. The father and the son :D

Hey people, whatever you did, always remember that our God will forgive you if you GO BACK and repent to him. Yea, we are sinners. But, our God has sent his only Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins. Whose sins? OUR SINS. Can't you understand that how much God loves and cares for us?

Desmond and jingye shared their testimonies.

Jingye was too nervous and affected by others, you should read your paper la, won't so nervous ma. haha.

But, both spoke greatly :D About our God.

After that, Uncle Sai Kee shared a small message and he prayed for those who accepted Christ. Praise God.

That's the end of the session, we went back to pack our things and prepare to go for lunch and home sweet home. hehe.

Through this camp, we realised that BOYS ARE ALWAYS SLOWER THAN GIRLS. Okay, I mean certain boys.

Pack also slow, bathe also slow. Don't know doing what. Daven, packed already but I still came down earlier than him. In the end, we have to wait for the princes to arrive from their palace.

Our lunch, a packet of rice, I couldn't finish this time, as I was quite full after breakfast.

Home sweet home. Bye bye to the subangjaya people. Hope to see you all again next time.

Didn't get to snap photos with them, especially Liesl ):

It was a great camp, I enjoyed it very much.

Anyway, it's my first time la joining camp like that, you can't blame me being ''over'' a bit. hehehe.

That's the amazing race :D didn't take many photos, shall just show some, can't find usb for camera.

I'm tireddddd!!!! Leg painnnnnnnnnnnnn ):

To someone, you may be joking, but sometimes your words hurt me ): I know you don't mean it, but just be careful la, people are not joking all the time~

Back from the amazing race II

Wow, Jolene went to a camp leh, this is the first time going camp with friends. Hmm, if the pengakap one not counted la.

Enjoyed myself (: but, quite tired la. Leg injured some more -.-

Many embarrassing things happened throughout the camp huh. hahaha.

Yesterday, we were supposed to go by the bus like others. But, when we thought about charles, hmm I mean Sir Charles, or Uncle Charles? whatever la. We changed our mind and wanted to go by his car.

At first, don't know who decided to do so. I was talking to my mum, and when I was back with them, they were calling him. They said '' Jolene wants to sit your car, can ma?'' Oh my goodness, did I say that? haha.

Then, when he was there, we say nevermind la, we didn't want to be the special ones so we went up the bus. We saw him coming up, he asked me whether I wanted to follow him. Our places were behind almost the end, so we decided to follow him.

Then uncle saikee asked, who is the 3 who will follow uncle charles? haha. everyone looking at us -.- walao.......... Jielian, sam, daven and me went to follow him.

He went to wash his car, went back his house to take his things.

In his house, jielian, sam and I were admiring his photos, so many places he went before. WOW. Jie lian said that she is going to save money from now and be like him, travel here and there. :D

We started our journey while the others were almost there -.- We stopped again at Lanchang as he haven't eat his breakfast.

Finally, we reached the place. It's called selesa resort right? if I'm not mistaken. haha.

Again, we were so lost as we didn't know what to do.

Are we suppose to wait? Are we suppose to put our bags some where? What are they waiting?

All sorts of questions.

Uncle saikee asked us whether we want to put our bags, we said no. Because jingye they all helped us to put already.

Then, we realised that all of them changed into shorts already!!!!

We also wanted to change, because of the LOVELY weather.

We quickly asked Michael to ask for the keys and went to change quickly because the subang jaya people reached already, and there will be a briefing soon.

Had our lunch, which was not very nice, and in a large large quantity! Few of us just couldn't finish it.

Wowwow, after lunch, here starts our race! Amazing race II.

We were divided into 10 groups.

As expected, all of us were not in the same group.

Fortunately, my group leader is Mr Huang Yu Seng. Well, sorry I don't know if I spell it correct your name? haha.

Other members who I remember is, Liesl( who is my roommate too), Joshua, Ee wen (my roommate) , and another quiet guy from subang jaya. I'm sorry I forgot your name, and the others also. haha.

When the race started, we were lost. Went to a few places and all were not correct.

So, we went back to the beginning and looked for samuel( I guess so, his name.), you know, I have poor memory on reminding people's name. Okay, we found him and he taught us to read the map. We actually went to the wrong direction. Wasted so much time arrrrr!!! We could have won the race if we didn't lost at the beginning.

There were 10 sections. Fortunately, we didn't have to eat bananas as our leader answered the IQ question :D

Well, during one of the section, we were asked to spin for 10 rounds with your finger on the floor and later run to the goal within 5 seconds.

This was the place I fell and got injured on my leg. I should stop after spinning but I didn't and I just continued immediately I stopped the 10 rounds. I felt dizzy and I actually went the other way and fell down -.- I woke up and ran again but it was too late, not within 5 seconds.

And, then only I felt the pain on my knee, when I looked down, it was bleeding.

Thanks Liesl for helping me to get the medicine :D She actually ran back to the beginning which was quite far from the place we were.

I continued taking part in the race as it is a waste right if I just gave up like that.

That time, I was exhausted, tired and dizzy when we were searching for the car.

There were a section where we need to climb up as the helpers will throw balls down, but they didn't throw when I climbed as I was injured. Anyway, when I was climbing, I actually kena again on my knee ): it hurts huh!!!

At last, we finished all the task and we got THIRD.

Wow, I'm proud, you know?

Jingye's team got first while kianyoon's group got second.

Congratess to them :D

We got our prizes with a t-shirt inside for each one of us. Nice unique t- shirt (:

We checked in to our apartments after that, wash up and went for dinner.

Was so hungry that I finished the whole packet of rice.

At night, it was the ice breaking session :D

Had fun there too.

If you know me, Jolene doesn't really like games, right?

But, yesterday I really tried to enjoy the games, well, it's great (:

Games really need the whole group's cooperation. You can't do it alone.

Our group didn't win in any of the games, but we did enjoy ourseleves, I guess?

After that, we were allowed to go back and sleep.

At that moment, Jolene was lost.

I went back to the place where I stay, but when I knocked on the door, nobody answered or opened the door. Ee wen came and she knocked too. She said we might get the wrong room.

Went downstairs, called jielian to check where was my room, called daven, he said he coming with his cousin. Got Liesl's number and tried to call her, couldn't get her.

Luckily, the other roommate came back and she saw us. -lost-ing- haha. We went back to the same place, and you know why no one opened the door, because they were telling ghost stories -.- haha.

A girl who doesn't know where was her room. Great Jolene.

Sleep sleep time. Tired, so didn't bother about others, just slept like that.

Liesl, a new friend :D she is a very caring girl and I noticed that she can sing well too (:

Thank God

Really thank God.

I went for a urine test again today, and it turned out good :D

Less blood and less acidic.

Overall, the doctor said it's ok, but I still have to drink lots of water to really clear it completely.

wowwow.

tomorrow is the amazing race :D

and, we are going.

Let's hope that we will enjoy ourselves there.

still packing my things -.-

so, wait for me.

once I'm back, I will post again.

miss ya

FRIDAY

Can't find a suitable title for my post.

Well, it's late now. another two minutes to 12. So, I write it as Friday.

So, today is Friday, and I'm not going to school. -lazy- haha

Go to school also nothing to do what, report card day and the malays have their activity.

I rather sleep at home.

Conclusion: not going.

Tomorrow is the amazing race.

Quite excited :D Pray that we will learn more about God there, mix with friends, and enjoy ourselves there.

But now, we have some problems. Haha. Don't know what to bring.

we are just going for one day and I'm so excited, don't know what to bring actually.

From which bag to bring, then what clothes to wear, then what to wear during the race, then what to bring and so so on............ haha -.-

A bit over already.

Let me remind you again, sam, jielian, kianyoon, daven and uncle jingye,

Sleeping bag, shoes, clothes, bible, note book, rain coat are the important things that we must bring. And, be in hwa lian by 9.

Don't say I never tell you all ar....

Sam, jielian, kianyoon and I will be eating breakfast together at the shop near tennis court before going to hwa lian, while uncle jingye say he will walk there. Just leave him alone. haha.

Not going to school.

So going to have a good rest now. nightnight (:

100th post :D

wow... today early in the morning let my mum scold -.-

I said already I'm not angry with anyone ar!!!

Whole morning I don't know what is she talking about.

What she was talking is definitely not what was I thinking about ):

Why scold me?

I'm trying my best to complete my homework already, some more what can I do?

Everyone is stressed, I understand that and I try to control my feelings so that I won't hurt others.

She said my time management got problem.

How am I going to plan now as I haven't even completed my list of homework?

So many things waiting for me to do!

I'm trying to control myself, yet she scolded me suddenly -.- spoiled my mood.

I'm too sensitive again right? But, it's the truth you scolded me, saying I don't know how to manage my time, why I have so much homework haven't completed. Please.

I'm trying very hard now, you don't want to give support, that's fine. But, please don't scold me or give me words to hurt me now.

Ya, I'm not tough. Scold a bit then cry. You just don't understand how stressed am I. Or I can say is how stressed is my form four life.

That's for today.

Going to cook maggie mee, as I don't have anything to eat again.

Don't know why the form six students and teachers who teach form six have to stay in school until 4pm. I can't imagine if I have to study in school unitl 4pm -.-