I MEAN IT

Today is a frustrated day again. 

I was wondering when I reached home, are all these things because of me? Is it because of what I said that influeced them or even make us quarrel until like that? cannot say quarrel la, we didn't actually want to quarrel as everyone is sick of all these things. I don't want to talk about that anymore, if they don't need us, no point for us to take part, you all go ahead and wish you all all the best, sincerely~

I skipped for choir practise today, as I can feel that I am going to break down soon and cry, plus I'm not feeling well no matter it's physically or emotionally. I do admit that I am a very hot- tempered person and I am very emotional. But, I decided to change as God told me to do so. However, why people do not give me that chance? And, for your information, I do admit that I scolded her yesterday as I was so angry but after that I realised my mistake, and I apologised. I know, it's no point of saying sorry all the time while repeating the same mistake. You know what, the more I try to control myself, the more I feel pressured and the situation becomes worse, everything will be out of control. Can anyone teach me what to do now? I know it's because of you, and I get it from our teacher. Can I know what did I do to you? Why to you wan to treat me like this? Why are acting such a hypocrite? First, you consoled me, asked me to calm down and don't get so angry because of her. I apologised, but you don't know anything and yet you go and report? Is this call friends? I should know earlier you will definitely do like this! You think I don't know? Why you want to bother other people's things? Now, the choral speaking one are you going to do the same thing? I know maybe you already did. I controlled myself not to scold you or say anything to you, I would just let you know that I know what are you doing, and please stop your nonsense! It's my business, and please mind your own business!!!!

I'm scared for choral speaking actually, I'm worried. I know we are very irresponsible, and I think this is all because of me? I hope it's not. But..... 

I'm tired of all these! I MEAN IT, I REALLY MEAN IT. Don't force me, one day I will quit everything, including being a prefect, taking part in anything ~ and, I will live in my own world, stop disturbing me! I really want to pray to God that all these things will be fine, and everything will stop, it's ENOUGH. 

I SERIOUSLY MEAN IT.