Tears

Tuesday, raya holidays is coming soon, wow. Jolene just can't wait to enjoy her holidays again, damn stressed nowadays.

Thought that I have learnt to control myself, but I actually I didn't. -.-

I'm still the Jolene, who cries when she faces any problems, as she thinks that is the only way she can express her feelings. At least she will feel much much better after that.

I'm honestly saying that, I have been trapped by myself recently.

I don't know why I just doubt everything about myself.

I can laugh for this minute and cry for the next, crazy?

I'm tired of the current me.

You know what, I can even be so stressed for my chemistry that I was attacked by the equations whole night yesterday, causing me not to sleep for the whole night.

It was super scary.

I almost wanted to break my head. I think I dreamt about equations, and the ways of solving them.

The feeling was like, all the equations are above me, much more stronger, bigger and taller than me. They were stepping on my head, expecting me to solve them, balance them. walao -.-

I prayed, but why???

I can't feeling the relationship between us anymore, is it my faith towards You is not strong enough?

I doubt myself, do I really believe and trust in You?

Am I a christian? This is a serious question.

I'm tired of being happy in front of others, because I don't want to see anyone to be sad.

I pretended to be nothing, deeply inside, I'm confused. Should I be happy or sad?

After all, I know..............

I'm scared. I know You will be there for us, we prayed...

Is it because my prayers are not enough? not sincerely? Or I just seek you when I'm having troubles. I don't know.. All kinds of questions come out in my mind.

I'm actually full of fear.

As I said, I can be happy for a thing that I should be sad.

But after a minute, I'm crying for that thing.

What is it all about?

I feel myself giving up soon, You know?

Brothers and sisters in Chirst,

pray for me and my family.