When I stop writing my blog, people will ask: '' why didn't you write you blog?''
Some even see my blog as their COMIC huh. Good yea. haha. I'm not angry, at least you spend time to read what.
Yesterday, there was no electricity, so unfortunately I couldn't post. Sad case.
Today, as usual. Jolene went to school. bla bla bla bla~ nothing to talk about school.
Yea, I went to view somebody's blog. I can be considered as 8? haha. Just curious and went to see see~
And, I found out that some of them really used their blogs to express their feelings, their secrets, their problems.
This is what Jolene can't do. I don't have the courage to do so, and I don't want to create problems. I often think what's the purpose of my blog as I still hold back some of my feelings.
When I was viewing one of the blogs, I realised there are people who are same like me, having all kinds of problems. I realised there are mainly on friends and love relationship.
To Jolene, besides that 2 problems, STUDIES is her MAIN problem she used to face everyday.
After two months, this is the third month after we have broken up. Yea, this is the first time I'm talking about this problem.
Actually, we have been together for 8 months but not one year. We have been close since last year's valentine's day.
On 27th of July, Jolene's 15th birthday. You called and wish me happy birthday. Later, you said you actually wanted to tell me something, but you didn't.
I know what you wanted to say, but I just pretended as though I didn't know anything.
Yea, as expected, you told me ''我爱你'' for the first time. And you asked, 黄翠玲小姐，你愿意做我的女朋友吗？I didn't answer your question, but deep in my heart, it was a ''yes''
Since then, everyone questioned about it. Why did you chose him? Even my family.
Jolene prayed. Ask God whether is him the right choice?
God tried to tell me in many ways, I should stop. There will not be an ending for us. I will just suffer like what my mum said. When she found out, she was so sad, angry and disappointed.
As a daughter, I just don't want to see her like that.
During the eight months, we broke up, together and broke up for many many and many times.
It is uncountable.
But, I still love you. I told myself I still love you, I will prove to them, loving you is correct, I can handle my studies while being with you.
Thank God I got my 8A's, and I didn't disappoint my mum.
Day by day, everything was changing. God is working. He wanted me to stop, but I was too stubborn.
I went to singapore, and he claimed that I had changed since then.
He meant my attitude.
That time, I miss the time when we were not together. At least, we will have peace.
When I came back from my holidays, our love has faded. Everything started to change.
We quarreled everyday. Really everyday. Everyday I said I wanted to break.
Everytime, he said sorry, tell me how much he love me, wants to be with me.
A soft- hearted girl forgave him again and again. Everytime he is the one who requested to patch.
Early of April, we quarreled. 7th of April, that was the first time, this boy I love said he don't know how to be with me anymore. He was fed up with my sensitive attitude. Should say he was fed up with me. This was the first time, Jolene has been rejected, or being left or being requested to break by a guy. I cried.
I still remember that day. I was crying badly. I couldn't feel anything. I was shocked and there was such a pain in my heart that I couldn't describe it.
That was the first time, and it actually tells me that's the end, Jolene.
I couldn't accept it, and for two months I was dreaming all the time, crying everyday when I was alone. I couldn't tell anyone, even God.
I have disobeyed Him, how can I pray that I will receive comfortness from Him. I started not praying, not reading bible, not atteding church, simply doing homework, everyday just spent my time thinking of him.
Why he treated Jolene like that? That's was the question in my mind.
I was terribly hurt, and I don't know what's拿得起，放得下！I was living in my own world.
Doing stupid things to hurt myself and so on.
It was a terrible nightmare for me, do you know that?
Just now. I wanted to seek for an answer.
I sms him
Me: 你真的忘了我们的事吗？我要的是大案，不是对不起。
Him: 没有忘记啦，哎哟！
Me: 我好想知道原因，你老是告诉我好吗？
Him: 对不起，我不喜欢你了！ .......
Me: ........ ( I didn't know what to reply...)
I can still feel the pain in my heart.
Recently, I stop thinking of you, stop sms with you. I just stop everything.
I was still hoping, but it is very unfair to others. So, I wanted to know the answer.
As expected, you got the answer since you first said want to break, you didn't tell me is just not to hurt me.
Girls like to be hurt so that they can forget completely.
When they don't get the answer, they will still be hoping. When they got the answer, they feel sad.
This time for me, yea I 'm sad because he told me like that.
But, I guess it's over right.... Yep, it should really come to an end.
Now, my heart is very calm and peaceful.
Don't worry friends, I'm okay.
I have been given enough time and I'm a big girl now right, I should face it toughly. I mean for the last two weeks, I did it right.
Life still needs to continue.
And, ya repent completely.
I should not think of it anymore.
Besides love, there are many things in the world.
After reading this post, you may know who is the person, you may be angry or be disappointed with Jolene.
But I can tell you, it's over. It has past.
When I was with him, I have a happy memory.
Anyway, by this, I know that relationship won't last long.
DOn't you agree with me?
